Yesterday, Caroline and Carter started to school. (1st grade and Pre-K). After walking them to class with the daycare group, I came home and worked on the house. My laundry is a little out of control right now.
I just had floods of thoughts rushing through my head all day. So here are some of them.... I'm writing this because it's mostly things I want to fix or work on about myself.
Recently, we have had 2 families very dear to us lose their fathers. It has really hit me hard. I'm not sure if it's because I'm scared of losing mine or if it's the sadness I feel for all of those who love these men. Lately, I've been complaining a lot about my dad. Not because he's done anything bad to anyone, but because I want him to live a happier life. I think he's home too much and bored which makes him focus on negative things. Many times when we talk it's all negative, so I guess I've been frustrated with him. I just want him to live a happy life, I mean he's retired and has a house thats paid for. I want him and my stepmom to travel and enjoy their retirement years. I can't want this for him, he has to want it for himself. So, I'm going to work on not complaining about him. I need to just enjoy him while I can for who he is.
Next, I realized how quickly the kids, especially Caroline, are growing up. She was so at ease and confident yesterday and it hit me hard. She is growing up so fast. She is my only little girl and I have to make more quality time with her. We do a lot together. She pretty much goes everywhere with me, but we need more quiet time. She also told me the other day that I never play with her. That one about broke my heart. I love spending time with her. We have been working on her Thankful Journal a few times a week. I love how she thinks. She's so sweet and SO smart. This will be so nice to look back at in the future. I really need to focus on is being more "unplugged". I waste way too much time checking my phone whether it be texts, instagram, or facebook. I mean, do I really need to know what everyone is doing? No!!!!! I grew up perfectly happy not knowing that someone I never see has a cold or their kid used the potty. But, somehow it's become such a habit to check my phone constantly. I miss the little things without realizing it. Jeremiah gave me this poem on Mother's day and it's so true.
I don't want my kids ever thinking that my phone is more important than they are. My goal is to check texts only periodically (in case there is an emergency), get on Facebook very little at home (baby steps :)) and when I do get on there, do it after they go to bed or at lunch.
Something else I want to work on is feeling less than. Sometimes Facebook and Pinterest are really good in helping me with this. On Facebook, people are putting their best moments on there, so of course everything looks glamorous (Well, besides those who actually like to tell everyone all of their problems). When I used to frequent Pinterest, I got off of there feeling like a loser because there was no way I could do everything I pinned.
I think I have solved this issue..... Every night before I fall asleep I thank God for all my blessings. This really reminds me about how blessed I am. As far as Pinterest goes, I only get on there about every week to two weeks now. I have told myself that I can only do what I can do. I don't need to do the things on there that are for show, just the ones that have meaning. (I'm talking about the projects. :)) The recipes, maybe I'll try to shoot for a new menu item every week or two.
Ok. Enough rambling. I usually don't write this much about me, but I have some things to work on. Maybe by discussing them on here, I will do them. First day of school post to come soon..............
1st day of Pre-K